Helicopter Parents in the Workplace: When Helping Your Adult Child Goes Too Far

Parents have always helped their children launch their careers. They review résumés, offer interview advice, make introductions, and help young professionals think through major career decisions.

But where is the line between helping and helicoptering?

I recently joined FOX 35 Orlando to discuss a Wall Street Journal article, “Helicopter Parents Are Co-Piloting Their Adult Children’s Careers,” which examines a growing workplace trend: parents becoming directly involved in their adult children’s job searches and careers.

And we’re not just talking about Mom or Dad forwarding a job posting.

According to the article, employers and recruiters are encountering parents who contact hiring managers about their adult children’s applications, attend job interviews, help negotiate offers, intervene after negative performance reviews, call employers about workplace problems, and even call in sick on behalf of their adult children.

For employers, that raises an important question:

When does parental support stop being helpful and start hurting a young professional’s career?

Parents Should Be Career Coaches, Not Career Co-Pilots

There is absolutely nothing wrong with parents helping their children navigate the working world.

In fact, parents can be an incredible resource.

They can help their adult children:

• Review and improve a résumé
• Practice for an upcoming interview
• Research potential employers
• Understand compensation and benefits
• Think through a job offer
• Prepare for a salary negotiation
• Role-play a difficult conversation with a manager
• Make introductions within their professional network
• Provide perspective after a rejection or career setback

Those are all forms of coaching.

The problem begins when the parent stops preparing the young professional to handle a situation and starts handling the situation for them.

A simple rule I shared during the FOX 35 discussion is:

Prepare them. Practice with them. Then step away.

What Employers May See When a Parent Gets Involved

Employers aren’t simply evaluating whether someone has the technical skills to perform a job.

They’re also evaluating whether that person can function successfully in a professional environment.

• Can they communicate effectively?
• Can they solve problems?
• Can they receive feedback?
• Can they advocate for themselves?
• Can they navigate uncomfortable conversations?
• Can they exercise good judgment?
• Can they work independently?
• When a parent contacts an employer on behalf of an adult candidate or employee, it can unintentionally create questions about those qualities.

Imagine two equally qualified candidates.

One candidate schedules their own interview, communicates directly with the recruiter, asks thoughtful questions, follows up professionally, and negotiates their offer.

The other candidate has a parent contacting the recruiter about the process.

Which candidate is going to appear more prepared for the professional world?

That’s the irony of helicopter parenting.

Parents are trying to give their children an advantage, but too much involvement can actually create a disadvantage.

Networking Is Not Helicopter Parenting

There is also an important distinction between using your network to help your child and taking over their job search.

Parents have helped their children make professional connections for generations.

There’s nothing wrong with saying:

“My daughter just graduated with an accounting degree and is looking for her first opportunity. Would you be willing to speak with her?”

That’s networking.

But after making the introduction, the young professional needs to take responsibility for what happens next.

• They should send the email.
• They should make the phone call.
• They should schedule the meeting.
• They should conduct the interview.
• They should follow up.
• They should build the relationship.

Use your network for your child. Don’t become your child’s spokesperson.

Difficult Conversations Are Part of Career Development

One of the most valuable things young professionals can learn early in their careers is how to handle uncomfortable conversations.

• Maybe they didn’t get the promotion they wanted.
• Maybe they received criticism from their manager.
• Maybe they disagree with their performance review.
• Maybe they believe they’re underpaid.
• Maybe they don’t understand their benefits package.
• Maybe they’re struggling with a coworker.

A parent’s instinct may be to intervene.

But those situations are also opportunities for growth.

Instead of calling the employer, a parent can ask:

• “What do you want your manager to understand?”
• “How could you approach that conversation?”
• “What questions should you ask?”
• “Do you want to practice what you’re going to say?”

Then role-play the conversation.

Help them prepare.

And let them handle it.

Because eventually every successful professional has to learn how to advocate for themselves.

Employers Have a Role Too

This trend isn’t solely a parenting issue.

Employers also need to recognize that many young professionals are entering the workforce without much experience navigating workplace conversations.

Managers can help employees develop those skills without allowing parents to become part of the employment relationship.

If a parent contacts an employer about their adult child, the response can be simple and professional:

“We appreciate your concern, but our employment relationship is with your son or daughter, so we’ll need to discuss this directly with them.”

Then give the employee the opportunity to have that conversation.

Good managers don’t solve every problem for young employees either. They coach them through those situations so they become stronger professionals.

This Isn’t About Bashing Gen Z

It’s also important not to turn this conversation into another criticism of Generation Z.

There are millions of Gen Z professionals navigating interviews, careers, promotions, workplace conflicts, and career decisions independently every day.

In fact, the Wall Street Journal article includes a recent college graduate who expressed frustration that highly involved parents are helping create the stereotype that his generation needs its hand held.

That’s an important point.

This isn’t a generational character flaw.

It’s a conversation about how parents can best help young adults transition from students into professionals.

And sometimes the most helpful thing a parent can do is resist the temptation to intervene.

Let Them Build the Career Muscle

Parents spend years preparing their children for adulthood.

The transition into the workforce is one of the final stages of that process.

• Your adult child may stumble.
• They may have an awkward interview.
• They may send an imperfect email.
• They may mishandle a conversation with a manager.
• They may get rejected.
• They may make a career decision you wouldn’t make.

That’s part of becoming a professional.

The goal shouldn’t be to remove every difficult situation from their path.

The goal should be to give them the confidence and skills to handle those situations themselves.

So when it comes to helping your adult child with their career, remember three things:

Prepare them. Practice with them. Then step away.

Be their mentor.

Be their sounding board.

Be their biggest supporter.

Just don’t become their career co-pilot.

Looking for career advice or hiring support? Veritas Recruiting Group specializes in connecting exceptional accounting, finance, HR, and professional talent with leading employers. Contact our team to learn how we can help you with your next career move or critical hire.